I have no thoughts. The other day I was talking to Laura and I told her that I would speak my thoughts out loud. There was a moment of silence that lasted probably 20 seconds because I was trying to think of something to say. That moment ended when Laura started laughing at me. I have never been very good at saying what I feel. I am no philosopher and certainly not a poet. I think most of what goes on inside of my head is pretty much worthless. Actually I probably shouldn't say worthless because they are my thoughts and that is what makes me who I am, but let's say that they would have very little worth (except maybe for humor) to anyone besides myself. However, I think I like that about myself. I very rarely dwell on how bad things are. Not because things are going great, but more of because my mind is occupied by other thoughts. I see people who are so caught up in what is wrong with their life that they seem to be worried when they don't have anything to think about so they find more things to complain about. They either go and find trouble or analyze something until it doesn't make sense anymore and find problems when it is really nothing at all. I do that sometimes, but the majority of my time is spent thinking about nothing. (Which me and Laura decided is not actually possible, we experimented) The more busy I get and the more responsibilities that I have, the more I miss my times of nothingness. I really feel that it is important to have such times, where nothing is really being decided, nothing is being analyzed, the future is not in the balance, all it is is your thoughts about whatever you want to think about. What do you think about? Music, sports, adventure, do you try to understand nature( this is when you are in nature most likely), family, and whatever else there is. I think these times of nothingnes are important because often times this is how we see ourselves no matter how far from the truth it might be. Our thoughts are full of what we would like to be. At least that is what my thoughts are full of. Not necessarliy what I actually am becoming but more of the ideal Adam. A wise prophet that lived in America around 100 B.C said "Yea, and I know that good and evil have come before all men; he that knoweth not good from evil is blameless; but he that knoweth good and evil, to him it is given according to his desires, whether he desireth good or evil, life or death, joy or remorse of conscience." I think what Alma is saying here is that if we want to be good, if that is really that desire of our hearts, ultimately our lives will be good. That does not necessarliy mean from a moment to moment basis, but more of from a macroscopic view of things. The opposite is also true, if we want evil(a better way to say that would probably be if we desire evil things) ultimately our life will be full of evil. I quess what I am trying to say is this. In our own personal thoughts, the ones that only you can know that you are thinking, if we see ourselves being good, happy, honest, kind people, ultimately that is what we will become, but if we see ourselves in a different light we will eventually become whatever we see ourselves being. So let us see ourselves in a divine light, and let us be thinkers of good thoughts.

This was a really fun date that my roomate put together. It was a treasure hunt that led us up through this canyon and then on top of the cliffs. I am the guy in the blue and Laura is the girl walking next to me. These very impressive cliffs. Comparable to the cliffs of despair.











This is a picture of me and Laura standing in front of the sunset. Adam is looking so studly and Laura is looking so good.

A few days ago I a had a very strange memory pop into my head. It was more of an image than a entire memory, but it made me laugh. It was an image of Jeff sprawled out in our entry-way at the bottom of the stairs. He is wearing a small and very tight t-shirt along with a tight pair of shorts. He is acting out an emotional scene from one of our movies. I don't remember the details of why Jeff was doing this, but it had something to do with Drew not cutting it in the emotional scene, so we brought Jeff in as the acting double.(meaning that Jeff put on Drew's clothes and acted out the scene instead of Drew) As the image went away I thought to myself "Why can't I be a kid again?" Throughout the rest of the day memories from my childhood continued to come to mind. Drew doesn't believe me on this one, but they use to call me "the untouchable" during recess because I could go for weeks without being touched in touch football. I remember playing games like guns and hide and seek out in our col-de-sac with a bunch of other kids. I have a very specific memory of watching Drew play basketball at the Hancocks in nothing but his shoes and speedo. One of the highlights of my week was always sunday afternoon playing games like smear the queer and Hotbox. I think about all the many walks home from Shaffer, moments like almost getting beat up by David Bock, or going on adventures through "nam." I loved it, it was so good being a kid. Now what do I do? I go to work, I study, I do things for church(I was just called as the Elder's Quorum President) and I try to have somekind of social life. It is a rare moment that I get to do something truly spontaneous anymore, and I miss it. Although I enjoy the responsiblities and growth that comes from life I just wish for moment I could be an eight year old again. Sadly, I think that might have been my peak age and it has been all down hill from there.:-)

I just wrote a very touching, well thought blog and I lost it. I don't have time to re-write and so it will have to wait for another day.

I have been thinking. My life is ruled by one thing and one thing only. My stomach. I wake up in the morning he tells me to eat and I happilly satisfy his demands. I go to school and study, but when my stomach tells me it is time to go home and eat, I do it. I have tried to suppress his demands and aches, but to no avail. Somehow he finds a way to get deep into my pysche and convince me to do what he says. This is a very frustrating thing. But at the same time it doesn't bug that much because I really like to eat.