WELCOME TO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
















I took a break from studying today and was looking at despair.com. DESPAIR is my favorite one. DREAMS also gets a laugh everytime.

The Human Heart

It is amazing what one can feel all at the same time. I have this constant feeling that I need to be working harder at getting into Med school. The main task I am faced with right now is the MCAT. I want to study a lot for it so that I will do well. However, this would jeopardize the time I feel like I need to spent on school in order to keep my GPA high. I have three different labs this semester all of which take 3x to much time. I asked a girl out last night for tomorrow night and I am pretty excited about it. There is another girl I want to ask out for Saturday, but I am not sure if she will be able to or even want to. There are several people in the ward that I am aware of that need some special attention. i want to help the hometeachers get more involved. Sometimes they will and sometimes they won't. Frustration. Jack Bauer is interogating his little brother, who just happens to be one of the most evil men in the world. I am always wanting to work out or do something athletic, but can't find any time or my knee is sore so I feel like I shouldn't. There is always frustration and annoyance in my heart towards money and laundry. I have a test in Functional anatomy tomorrow morning that is going be very hard. We just held the third "manrichment" last night and it was a total success even though went out in the first round of the arm wrestling tournamnent (I was wrestling in the Heavy weight class), etc, etc. I think if everyone sat down and thought about it you could think of just as much stuff that is on your mind on any day. There is good, there is bad, and then there is probably stuff that is neither. I am sitting at computer eating macaroni and cheese with a polish sausage cut up into little pieces and am in awe of the human heart and mind.
What a blessing the ability to feel is!!!!

It Makes No Sense

I have a question that I am hoping someone can answer. I recently watch
Episode III and I don't understand a few things at the end of the movie. Why did Yoda and Obi-wan go into hiding? Neither one killed the Sith they went out to kill and they both decided to hide instead of lead the rebellion against the empire. It seems to me that with two of the most powerful jedi that the rebellion would have stood a chance and been able to mount of fight, instead of having to wait 20 years or so until Luke was able to fight. What good did Yoda do anyone on the planet that he went to. He didn't do one thing, in fact it seems that he probably went crazy. Secondly, when Obi-wan took Luke to Tatuin why did he never speak to Luke, and why did the uncle refer to Obi-wan as some lonely hermit? I don't understand why Obi-wan wouldn't have trained Luke from a young age. I hope someone can answer these question because my finite brain can't comprehend them.

If you want to see Lebron at his finest go to ESPN.com and click on the advertisement at the top of the home page. After a seperate screen pops up click on the image that says view commercials. There are three of them and they are all very funny.

Help for the Helpless

I am going to write a post declaring my dating strageties. In the last 48 hours I have been told by my Stake President and the Prophet of God that marriage needs to be a priority for me. I have been in a hole, a rut, deep despair as of late and I am not sure why. I have been on probably 6 or 7 first dates in the last month and I am feeling further from finding anyone I am really intrested than I have in a long time. I have been told by some to be more aggressive and ask out random girls. Another has suggested that I give up all hope. While another has told me that I have to be more persistent with one girl. I was talking to Jay Kelleher today and he told me to lower my standards, I quote "if she can breath and she's got legs, go for her!!" To say the least I really am sick and tired of thinking about and it seems that the more I think the less motivated I am. On top of all that I have come to the realization that money does not grow on trees and taking girls out costs money. I have decided that I will date based on these three principles.

1. I plan on focusing much more energy in other aspects of my life. School, rehabing my knee, church calling, community service of some kind, etc.

2. When I do date I will be date with courage. This means when I want to ask a girl out I will do it. Even if the situation seems a little strange. In short, it's time for me to be a MAN!!!!!!!!!

3. I am tired of first dates and will keep them to a minimum. I plan on asking out the same girl more than once, even though I am not sure how interested I am.

I think these are solid principles that will serve me well. It is time to stop worrying and to find a little patience. The Lord smiles on a patient and righteous heart and I hope I have a little bit of both in me.

What is green and red and goes 60 miles an hour?

I have a thought I would like to share. It is undeveloped, like most of the thoughts I have, but I have found that after I write something out I can usually then begin to organize it in my head. We had a fun activity last night with the Elder's Quorum, we named it Manrichment, instead of enrichment for the Relief Society. The purpose of manrichment is to build unity and also to allow us to foster our manly skills, but mainly to build unity. We started out by playing football, it was total chaos. There was probably 10 to 12 guys on each team and no order to what they did. I was all time quarterback(it was illegal to rush me because I can't run, don't worry mom I am not that stupid). It was impossible to tell who was who and usually I would hear someone yell my name and I would throw the ball in there general direction and hope they caught it. I threw 7 touchdown passes, 1 was a hail mary, and had 3 interceptions. We then returned to the pavilion and we all ate some meat. It was mainly hamburgers and polish sausage. To end the night, we had a member of the quorum that is really good at fighting, teach us how to take someone down from all different directions. It was a lot of fun and the activity accomplished its purpose.
This brings me to my thought, unity. I haven't put a ton of thought into it, but in almost anything we do unity will increase our ability to perform well. Why is that? In the whole scheme of things what eternal benefits come from us being united. As I learn more about life and the gospel, I continually feel that it is a personal thing. Life is not something we can dump off on someone else, we must live it and we must make the choices that make us who we are. So then why is me being united with my family, my friends, my team, my God, and any other relationship I have so important. I am not sure except for the idea that we are all in this together. I think of a talk that Elder Holland gave a while back entitled "the prodgial son" he mentions that life was never meant to be a race to the finish, but more of a team effort. I need to do a better job of being unified in all aspects of my life. I would love to have any of my readers give some of their insights and comments on unity.

I saw Nacho Libre this last weekend and I have to say I was not impressed that much by it. It just isn't that funny. There were a couple of pretty funny parts but even those weren' all that funny. Jack Black was trying to hard to be a weird funny wrestling monk. I give it a C at best. The picture that I put on here was one of my favorite moves that they had in the movie. So much pain.

It is a Sunday night and I am getting ready to go to bed. It has been a busy day. I had church, then interviews, presidency meeting, hometeaching, and some serious flirting.(I actually made some peach milkshake to help them see that I am not just good looks and wit :) I am grateful for the oppurtunities that are constantly being thrown my way. Oppurtunities to serve, to help, to learn, to laugh, to think, to cry, to improve, etc... Life is good!!!!!!!

It has been a while since my last post. I have nothing funny to say but I thought I would just catch everyone up on what's going on in Provo. I was recently called as the elder's quorum president which is keeping me busy. Getting everyone to hometeach is an annoying task, but important. It is a big help to those getting home taught, but it is even more important for the elder's to recongize what it means to hold the priesthood and to take the responsibilty that comes with it. I am not in school for the summer semester. I need to make some money so I can pay for school, with a little help from the old man and the little woman of course. Although I like not being in school, in a strange unexplainable way I miss it. Being busy at work and being busy at school are two different things. I am much more tired after a long day at work, but when you get home it is a relief because you have nothing to do, but with school I am not as tired but I am always thinking about the next test and the homework that is due. They both have there ups and downs.
I am still at the MTC teaching japanese. I love missionaries and the dedication they have to what they are doing. I was thinking this last week as I was trying to remember what I felt like right before I came home. I remember thinking and feeling that I was giving up spirituality for the rest of my life. I didn't really think this but it felt that way. I was going to come home and not be able to have spiritual experiences and that was a hard thing for me to deal with. Then I got home and realized that I could but it was not as readily at your finger tips like on your mission. I soon realized that there were plenty of things to do and experiences to have. The hardest part for me was that I had spent two years finding myself spiritually and obtaining some serious confidence in myself and my skills and then came home and felt like I was a baby again because I had no idea what I needed to do with the rest of my life. Not having those things was like a hole in my soul that took me a long time to fill. (Not to worry I am now a mountain of confidence and skill. Hahahaha) I say this because I think Drew will have the same experience. It wasn't the culture shock that was hardest, that lasted a few weeks and I was fine(granted I was in Japan, a pretty nice place) It was trying to find myself again that was difficult. We need to be patient with the Goose.
This was a very random blog. I had some time and just started typing.

I just finished my last practical exam for my Bio 241 lab and I will try to describe how I feel like a true Utahan would describe it"oh, my heck! it kicked my freakin trash!!!" I don't know how I did, but it is not going to be pretty. The best thing I can do now is tighten up the hatches, board up the windows, gather the valuables, kid the gets in the cellar and prepare for the worst. I am praying that by worst I mean B or B+, so I quess it isn't that bad.

AD

I just got done taking a practical exam for my molecular biology lab. Let me explain it to you. There are 21 stations and you have 3 minutes per station. They ask different questions that test you on the different procedures we have been doing in class. One of the station required you to mix some enzymes with substrates and then you had to measure the product produced in a special machine called a spectrophotometer. However, the solution you have made must be diluted to the correct amount so that the machine can read it. (this is the hard step) So I have got 3 minutes to mix, react, and dilute this solution. The bell went off and I started to pipette my substrate into the cuvette(test tube), but I quickly realized my hands were shaking out of control (so intense). I have to use my other hand to stop the shaking. Somehow I manage to get the substrate and enzyme all into the the tube. I then grab another pipette to dilute the solution. the TA calls out"30 seconds" it is at this moment that I realize that I don't know to what factor I am suppose to dilute. Total panic sets in and I started diluting like there was no tomorrow. As I am doing this I am hoping for a miracle that maybe what I am doing is correct. The buzzer beeps and I go on to the next station to measure my product in the machine. I put the cuvette into the proper slot and ,y number comes out on the screen. I look at the number and........... Not even close to being right. I screwed up somewhere in my diluting process. Luckily this was just one part of the test. I think I did good on the rest. Very intense.

I have no thoughts. The other day I was talking to Laura and I told her that I would speak my thoughts out loud. There was a moment of silence that lasted probably 20 seconds because I was trying to think of something to say. That moment ended when Laura started laughing at me. I have never been very good at saying what I feel. I am no philosopher and certainly not a poet. I think most of what goes on inside of my head is pretty much worthless. Actually I probably shouldn't say worthless because they are my thoughts and that is what makes me who I am, but let's say that they would have very little worth (except maybe for humor) to anyone besides myself. However, I think I like that about myself. I very rarely dwell on how bad things are. Not because things are going great, but more of because my mind is occupied by other thoughts. I see people who are so caught up in what is wrong with their life that they seem to be worried when they don't have anything to think about so they find more things to complain about. They either go and find trouble or analyze something until it doesn't make sense anymore and find problems when it is really nothing at all. I do that sometimes, but the majority of my time is spent thinking about nothing. (Which me and Laura decided is not actually possible, we experimented) The more busy I get and the more responsibilities that I have, the more I miss my times of nothingness. I really feel that it is important to have such times, where nothing is really being decided, nothing is being analyzed, the future is not in the balance, all it is is your thoughts about whatever you want to think about. What do you think about? Music, sports, adventure, do you try to understand nature( this is when you are in nature most likely), family, and whatever else there is. I think these times of nothingnes are important because often times this is how we see ourselves no matter how far from the truth it might be. Our thoughts are full of what we would like to be. At least that is what my thoughts are full of. Not necessarliy what I actually am becoming but more of the ideal Adam. A wise prophet that lived in America around 100 B.C said "Yea, and I know that good and evil have come before all men; he that knoweth not good from evil is blameless; but he that knoweth good and evil, to him it is given according to his desires, whether he desireth good or evil, life or death, joy or remorse of conscience." I think what Alma is saying here is that if we want to be good, if that is really that desire of our hearts, ultimately our lives will be good. That does not necessarliy mean from a moment to moment basis, but more of from a macroscopic view of things. The opposite is also true, if we want evil(a better way to say that would probably be if we desire evil things) ultimately our life will be full of evil. I quess what I am trying to say is this. In our own personal thoughts, the ones that only you can know that you are thinking, if we see ourselves being good, happy, honest, kind people, ultimately that is what we will become, but if we see ourselves in a different light we will eventually become whatever we see ourselves being. So let us see ourselves in a divine light, and let us be thinkers of good thoughts.

This was a really fun date that my roomate put together. It was a treasure hunt that led us up through this canyon and then on top of the cliffs. I am the guy in the blue and Laura is the girl walking next to me. These very impressive cliffs. Comparable to the cliffs of despair.











This is a picture of me and Laura standing in front of the sunset. Adam is looking so studly and Laura is looking so good.

A few days ago I a had a very strange memory pop into my head. It was more of an image than a entire memory, but it made me laugh. It was an image of Jeff sprawled out in our entry-way at the bottom of the stairs. He is wearing a small and very tight t-shirt along with a tight pair of shorts. He is acting out an emotional scene from one of our movies. I don't remember the details of why Jeff was doing this, but it had something to do with Drew not cutting it in the emotional scene, so we brought Jeff in as the acting double.(meaning that Jeff put on Drew's clothes and acted out the scene instead of Drew) As the image went away I thought to myself "Why can't I be a kid again?" Throughout the rest of the day memories from my childhood continued to come to mind. Drew doesn't believe me on this one, but they use to call me "the untouchable" during recess because I could go for weeks without being touched in touch football. I remember playing games like guns and hide and seek out in our col-de-sac with a bunch of other kids. I have a very specific memory of watching Drew play basketball at the Hancocks in nothing but his shoes and speedo. One of the highlights of my week was always sunday afternoon playing games like smear the queer and Hotbox. I think about all the many walks home from Shaffer, moments like almost getting beat up by David Bock, or going on adventures through "nam." I loved it, it was so good being a kid. Now what do I do? I go to work, I study, I do things for church(I was just called as the Elder's Quorum President) and I try to have somekind of social life. It is a rare moment that I get to do something truly spontaneous anymore, and I miss it. Although I enjoy the responsiblities and growth that comes from life I just wish for moment I could be an eight year old again. Sadly, I think that might have been my peak age and it has been all down hill from there.:-)

I just wrote a very touching, well thought blog and I lost it. I don't have time to re-write and so it will have to wait for another day.

I have been thinking. My life is ruled by one thing and one thing only. My stomach. I wake up in the morning he tells me to eat and I happilly satisfy his demands. I go to school and study, but when my stomach tells me it is time to go home and eat, I do it. I have tried to suppress his demands and aches, but to no avail. Somehow he finds a way to get deep into my pysche and convince me to do what he says. This is a very frustrating thing. But at the same time it doesn't bug that much because I really like to eat.

I am here thinking about starting to study for my last final of the semester(Organic Chemistry) and I thought to myself,"This information I am studying really as very little, if any at all, application to my life." However, as I think these words, there are most likely thousands of people( nerdy people) using the same info to create a medicine or find a cure of somekind that could help thousands maybe even millions of people. I find that amusing. Almost any bit of information that I can acquire I could use to benefit the world. (Maybe not me, but someone could) I think that is an empowering thought, the more information I can get in me the more effective I can be at using to help people. Kind of like Macgyver(not the dog), the man knows everything and can use and apply it to any situation. With that I have decided to follow the same professional path as Macgyver. You have friends like Pete Thorton and Jack Dalton, and you get to help people. I like it.

I hope you enjoy your trip through my blog. I could think of only two titles for it. Pain or Dreaming Big. Pain becaue it strikes fear in to the mind of anyone who decides to visit my sight and Dreaming Big because it is inspiring. I decided to go with the more inspiring title. Enjoy.